Multiple Crossovers
by cardiff1984
Summary: Multiple Movies and TV shows collide in multiple dimensions, which contains your favourite characters from any of your favourite TV shows or Movies. Each universe that collides could bring confusion, the paranormal, action, suspense and Adventure. TV crossovers include, Dallas, Smallville, Corrie, etc. Movies Crossovers, Back To The Future, Ghostbusters, Psycho etc.
1. Walford-Weatherfield

Lucy Beale and her Twin brother Peter have just been united with their half sister, Cindy whom they never met and decided to head to Old Trafford to watch Manchester United vs Chelsea. Cindy is a massive Chelsea fan, so for her sixteenth birthday,the twins decide to treat her. They set off early from Albert Square and head up north to Manchester, where Lucy misses the turning for Old Trafford and ultimately get lost. There is still plenty of hours to get to Old Trafford and they end up in the Manchester area called 'Weatherfield.' They drive into 'Coronation Street' a cobbled roaded back street, with terraced housing on one end of the street, three dectached housing on the other. The Rovers Return pub, The Beestrow, Corner Shop, The Cabin, Hair Dressers and a Knicker Factory make up the street. Two Viaduct tunnels, as well as the way the Beales came in, are the only other ways to enter or exit Coronation Street. Lucy parks right outside the rovers Return.

PETER: I knew you'd get us lost.

LUCY: Quit judging me, we'll just ask behind the bar where to go and we'll be on our way, it's hours before the match anyway.

CINDY: We might as well stay for a drink, I'm parched.

PETER: Yeah, me n' all.

LUCY: Good idea, my feet are killing me.

The three get out of the car and head inside. They look around.

LUCY: This place is three times smaller than the Vic, you can't swing a cat round in 'ear. You two sit in the corner, I'll get e'm in.

Peter and Cindy sit down, whilst Lucy heads to the bar and Eva serves them.

EVA: Alright chuck, what can I get ya?

LUCY: Three Coca Cola's please.

EVA: Three Coca Cola's going a bit light aren't we?

LUCY: Yeah, I'm been driving all the way from London this morning with my brother and sister.

EVA: We don't get many Southerners up this way, I think it's because we're too alike.

Lucy smiles.

LUCY: We're trying to get to Old Trafford, could you help us out please?

EVA: My Step Dad Carl is football crazy, I'm sure he'll have a better idea than I would. If you wait, I'll go get 'im for ya.

LUCY: Thank you, that's so kind of ya.

EVA: It's my pleasure...

LUCY: Lucy.

EVA: Eva, nice to meet you.

Sophie Webster enters the Rovers with her mum Sally and looks straight at Lucy. Lucy turns and spots Sophie staring at her. Sophie smiles at Lucy, Lucy smiles back. Sophie has fallen in love within a matter of seconds. Lucy take the three cokes and sits down.

LUCY: The girl behind the bar says, she will fetch her step dad to give us directions.

CINDY: That's nice of her.

PETER: Is that the blonde one.

CINDY: Yeah, you 'aven't taken your eyes of her since we came into this pub.

LUCY: Her boobs you mean?

PETER: Oh ha ha.

Lucy starts to drink her coke and again spots Rosie smiling at her with passion. Lucy nervously smiles back, realizing Sophie has taken a fancy to her. Eva heads to the living room of the Rovers and finds her mother Stella having coffee alone.

EVA: Hiya Mam, has Carl gone out?

STELLA: No, he's been hugging that flaming bathroom for thirty minutes. God knows what he's up to.

EVA: I don't think I want to know to be honest.

STELLA: I'll be out in a minuted love, just let me finish thisn coffee.

EVA: It's just these Cockneys are lost looking for Old Trafford and I thought Carl was the best bet to give them directions.

STELLA: Oh right, they must be going to watch the Man united, Chelsea game an' all. I'll give them the directions, coz they'll be waiting all day otherwise.

EVA: Alright, I'll see you in a bit.

At the bar, Peter, Lucy and Cindy are waiting for the Land Lady to enter. Lucy feels clostraphobic sitting a smaller environment.

LUCY: My God, you get more leg room on the London Underground train than in 'ear.

PETER: We're in northern territory now sis, some stuff are still quite old fashioned.

CINDY: Your Dad wouldn't have complained then.

LUCY: No, he wouldn't, he would actually be in his elements. That reminds me, best put his mind at rest and phone him.

Lucy pulls out her mobile and starts to ring her and Peters father, Ian Beale back in Walford, London. Ian answers his mobile phone on the fruit stall, outside the Queen Victoria pub.

IAN: You got there fast, the match don't start for another four and half hours.

LUCY: We're a little lost we're asking for directions in a back street pub.

IAN: What ya like?

LUCY: It shouldn't be a problem, we're just waiting for the Land Lord I think.

Suddenly Stella appears from behind the bar and and Eva points them out. Stella makes her way over. As Lucy continues to speak with her father, something familar about Stella catches her eye. Stella is a replica ofthe three siblings late mother, Cindy Beale. The thing is they think Stella is Cindy, by photographs anyway.

STELLA: Hiya, my fella is probably posing in the bathroom mirror, but I can help ya get to Old Trafford.

Ian is still connected to Lucy on the phone. The three are shocked to see, who they believe is their mother Cindy, standing right in front of them. Lucy places her phone down on the table and she rises to her feet. Peter and Cindy are shell shocked. Stella is confused for why three harmless adult teenagers would give her a meaningful stare, emotionally aswell.

STELLA: Is there something wrong 'ere?

Lucy touches Stellas's face, but Stella backs off.

STELLA: What do you think you're doing young lady?

Ian calls Lucy down the phone, but gets no reply. Peter and Cindy stand alongside Lucy as they think they have just found who they belive is their mother.

PETER BEALE: Mum?

STELLA: Mum?

LUCY: You're alive.

STELLA: What on Earth are you kids ranting on about?

LUCY: Mum it's us, we're you're children, you're our mother.

Stella cannot believe what she is hearing 


	2. The Kents

Smallville, Kent Farm, Kansas, U.S.A, Seventeen Year Old Clark Kent is getting ready for his last year at High School and heads down stairs for breakfast. His adopted mother Martha is getting his breakfast ready, whilst Johnathan Kent, his adopted father returns from doing morning chores. Clark sits up at the table.

JOHNATHAN: Morning sleepy head, thought you weren't gonna get up.

CLARK: I had a strange dream last night.

MARTHA: I think we all have them occasionally.

CLARK: I dreamt, I was sent to Earth by my birth parents to Earth from another planet in a Space Ship and it caused a Meteor Shower and the rocks that came with the Meteor Shower turned people into Meta humans. And you found me.

MARTHA: So in other words you were an Alien?

JOHNATHAN: You're right Clark, that is strange.

CLARK: That's not all, it turns out my biological father from a planet called Krypton sent me on these trials, which lasted almost ten years so I could become the Worlds greatest saviour. I became that hero afte saving the world from an Apokolips and then went under the name Superman. I also became a reporter at the Daily Planet in Metropolis. I amazingly had sexual relationships with Lana and Chloe's cousin Lois. And you know the Luthor's from Metropolis, I was friends with Lex for so many years, then we became enemies, and Lex killed his father by pushing him out of the window of the LuthorCorp building. Mom you became United States Senator. Sad thing is you died of a heart attack in my dream Dad. God so much much happened in my dream last night, it felt like ten years that I dreamt it.

JOHNATHAN: You didn't add anything you shouldn't have in your hot chocolate last night did you?

MARTHA: Quite an over active imagination you have Clark, especially about Lana and Lois Lane.

CLARK: I know, but she is after all engaged to Whitney Foreman and Lois is now living in Australia. Chloe will be gutted that nothing like that happened between us, although we almost did in my image. It was just a dream anyway.

JOHNATHAN: You also mentioned your birth parents Clark.

CLARK: Yeah, but they were only an alien race in my dream.

JOHNATHAN: What I mean is, is that you have been thinking about your real parents in real life.

Clark tries to ignore his fathers words.

MARTHA: It's no shame to want to know the truth of your roots.

CLARK: It's just I don't want you to think I'm gonna be running out on you.

MARTHA: We know that Clark, you won't be running out on us, we'll always be here for you and if you want to pursue finding your birth parents, then we'll be more than happy to help.

CLARK: I will never love you any less than I do now, you two mean the World to me

JOHNATHAN: As you do to us. Have you discussed this with Chloe or anyone else.

CLARK: Not to Chloe, I sorta mentioned it to Pete and Marty in California one time.

MARTHA: Marty Mcfly from California.

CLARK: Yeah, I just said it out of the blue while were exchanging words on Facebook.

JOHNATHAN: How about that girl from England, you unexpectadly made friends with on Facebook?

CLARK: Which one?

JOHNATHAN: This Amy, that lives in a small village in Yorkshire.

CLARK: Oh yeah, Amy Wyatt...that girl.

MARTHA: She must have added you for a reason.

CLARK: I still don't know that reason.

MARTHA: Well, what's she all about?

CLARK: Well, she's my age, from Northern England, but moved to a village called Emmerdale and runs a Bed and Breakfast with her foster parents and mother and that's it.

JOHNATHAN: Is she pretty?

CLARK: Yeah and quite brassy too. She says she wants to meet me one day. She'll either come here or I go to the U.K.

JOHNATHAN: Sounds great, but you have to wait til you graduate son, I'd hate to se you distracted, especially by wild dreams and a smitten girl called Amy from England.

MARTHA: Your fathers right Clark, you have so much potential in yourself. If you want advice, wait til after schools finished, then we will help you finding your birth parents.

CLARK: You're right, Mom. I best get to school.

Clark drinks up his orange juice and takes a piece of toast before leaving the farm to catch his bus to school. Martha and Johnathan watch him jump on the bus with Pete Ross and Chloe Sullivan. They wave goodbye to him before re-entering the house. They sit at the table.

JOHNATHAN: Sounds like Clark has been thinking about his origins for quite sometime. How do we tell him, that his real mother was an old high school friend of yours?

MARTHA: Johnathan, she knew we could care for him better than she could. Anyway Dana only did it because she loved him and because she knew we couldn't have any kids ourselves.

JOHNATHAN: Where is Dana Barrett these days anyway?

MARTHA: Last I heard, she was living out in New York with a fireman called Peter Venkman. 


	3. Barrett And Venkman

New York City, Dana Barrett a musician is having a lunch date with her fireman husband, Peter Venkman, although Peter is on call with Co- worker Ray Stance, who is at home in his apartment. Egon Spengler his other friend is a psychologist at work and Winston is an ambulance driver. Dana has an hour lunch break and meets Peter at their favourite Restaurant as they near their first wedding anniversary. They take their orders and wait. Peter holds her hand.

PETER: I can't believe it's been a year.

DANA: Neither can I, I hope the next sixty years go even slower.

PETER: Me too.

DANA: I forgot to mention it, you were talking a lot in your sleep last night.

PETER: Really? What was I saying?

DANA: "Go get her Ray. Goza. This man has no Dick, He slimed me, has anybody seen Ghosts, We're the beautiful the only Ghostbusters, Vigo," it was just blips and blobs, then you starting singing this songs called, "Ghostusters."

PETER: Yeah I remember now, Me, Ray, Egon and Winston were Ghost eliminators. I got slimed by a green goblin and I when I started dating you, you and that nutcase neighbour of ours Louis turned into a Dog and we had to save you and New York from this Goza and a hundred foot tall Marsh Mellow man.

DANA: I think I prefer you as a fireman.

PETER: Then my dream jumped five years and you had a son.

Dana listens very carefully, as she mentions she had a son in his dream.

PETER: And this like ancient guy called Vigo from an oil painting was trying to steal yours son's soul so he could be re- born

DANA: I don't think I wanna here any more of your vivid imagination, sounds scary, although that song you sung was very catchy.

PETER: You even called your son Oscar, but he wasn't mine. That kinda hurt when I woke up.

DANA: You won't have to worry about a thing, because the next child I have will be yours next time.

Dana kisses Peter on the lips. Peter chuckles a little.

PETER: Next time? You made it sound like you did have a child.

Dana doesn't answer and her face turns to dread, when Peter suggests that. Peter stares at his wife in confusion, when she starts to show sorrow in her eyes and then tears fill her eyes. Peter touches his wifes arm, as a moment in his dream of seeing her have a child, becomes reality. Dana looks Peter in the eye as she makes a shocking confession.

DANA: That's because I did have a child, Pete.

PETER: Please tell me you're kidding?

DANA: No, I'm not.

Tears roll down her face.

PETER: Why didn't you tell me?

DANA: I didn't think it would matter now, it was seventeen years ago.

PETER: Not matter? Course it matters I'm your husband, I thought you'd confide in me. Did something bad happen to you?

DANA: I guess I just wasn't ready.

PETER: You had the baby adopted?

DANA: Yeah, I had a son and named him Paul after my Grand Father. My friend at the time Martha from Metropolis in Kansas, couldn't have children of her own, so I agreed to let her and her husband adopt him and that's when we decided to move on. I haven't heard of them or my son since.

PETER: Oh my God, Dana.

DANA: Peter, there has not been a day that I don't think of him. I wanted to keep him, I was a coward, I didn't want that responsibility at the time. Sounds contradicting I know. Then I saw how much Martha wanted a child of her own, so I gave her the excuse and let her have him. We haven't spoken a word since. I only have one picture of him at home and that's the day of his birth.

PETER: Have you ever considered looking for him?

DANA: I have, but somehow I thinked he'd see me as a sad excuse for a mother. The best way to go is the future and not live in the past.

PETER: Dana, he's a part of you, you're his mother.

DANA: Peter, just because we share the same DNA, doesn't mean I'm his family, I was just a vessell that brought him into this world. I had a stupid one night stand with somebody I hardly knew and it wouldn't have been fair on Paul if I started to neglect him, it's not the sort of memory he'd want, I loved him too much to hurt him. I just hope wherever he is, Martha and Johnathan Kent brought the best out of him.

PETER: I'm glad you were honest with me today, I'm proud of you for that and admitting what you did.

DANA: I was a young stupid girl...

PETER: That's past, like you said the future is the main priority. But if you decide to wanna find Paul in the future, I'd like to help.

DANA: I think I'd be too scared to Peter, I fear he'd hate me.

PETER: Just let me know if you feel you need to change your mind.

Dana wipes her tears away and puts on a brave smile. Peter and Dana pick up their glass of wine and try to celebrate their anniversary. They take a sip and pace their glasses back on the table.

DANA: I'll let you in on the secrets of my dreams, since you told me yours, it's sounds wacky.

PETER: Go on.

DANA: I was in with a group of scientists, who went out into space to search alien life form, we were put into suspended animation for so many years, where we never aged and we eventually landed on this planet, and our crew got infected by aliens and then we got over ran by the bastards and all the crew died, except me. I escaped with my cat and I put myself back into suspended animation.

PETER: Jeepers Creepers.

DANA: Say that again.

PETER: Jeepers Creepers.

Dana laughs.

DANA: Very funny. You know the strange thing about it, was I had a daughter that I didn't see in my dream and she died while we were on our mission. She was in her fifties apparently...Anyway the other dream I had, I was in a jungle with Gorilla's and I was fighting for their survival. Hunters were murdering them for the usual prize that greedy bastards want. When I took my revenge, they killed me, they chopped me up.

PETER: That's horrible, were they the nights you woke up screaming?

DANA: Yeah, they were. I guess those dreams were trying to see if I were really a good person, somebody who would fight to believe in what was right. And to be honest Peter, I didn't fight hard enough to keep Paul. Now it's too late. 


	4. Mcfly

Marty Mcfly awakes in his home at Lyons Estate, Hill Valley, California. He looks at his watch, it's 8:00am. He is almost late for school. He dashes out of his room with his scateboard in arms, whilst the rest of the family are up and ready at breakfast. His mother Lorraine, see's how much of a rush he's in and points to what the time is to remind him of his bad timing of getting up late. George is sat at the breakfast table, whilst his lazy brother and sister, Dave and Linda watch TV. Marty is about to rush out, when his alcoholic mother stops him.

LORRAINE: Not so fast young man.

MARTY: What is it Mom?

Dave spots Marty.

DAVE: Did you sleep in your clothes again last night bro?

MARTY: Yeah I did.

LORRAINE: Mr Strictland will keep giving you Tardys if you carrying on showing up late. You spend so much time talking to your friend Clark Kent from Kansas you're losing sleep.

MARTY: Mom I'm fine, I actually slept too well last night as a matter of fact.

LORRAINE: Did you dream us some luck?

MARTY: Sort of. I dreamt that Doc invented a Time Machine out of a Delorean and I accidently got sent back to the fifties, where I interfered with you and Dad's first meeting and I had to get you back together or Dave, Linda and myself would cease to exist.

LORRAINE: Oh Marty that's sweet.

MARTY: I saw you and Dad kiss for the first time at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance.

GEORGE: The Enchantment Under The Sea Dance?

MARTY: But it didn't end there. Before I went back in time, we were as we are now, but then when I returned we were successful and Biff was a car cleaner. Doc sent me back the night of the famous Hill Valley lightening storm, once the lightening hit the clock tower, the surge sent the nescessary 1.21 Gigawatts into the Fluxcipacitor and sent me back to the future. Then Doc showed up and took me and Jennifer to the year 2015 and there was a hover conversion.

LORRAINE: Hover Conversion?

MARTY: Flying cars.

GEORGE: Vivid imagination son, but it is the year 2013 and 2015 is only two years away, I can't that happening. And the famous lightening storm was in 1955, me and your mother weren't born then.

MARTY: Weird thing is in my dream, my teenage years took place in the 1980's, 1985 as a matter of fact.

LORRAINE: But we still had the same lifestyle to begin with?

MARTY: Right.

LINDA: Jesus Christ Marty, did you dream a story?

MARTY: There is more. When Biff was an old man in this 2015, he stole the time machine and altered time, where he was corrupt and powerful and married to you Mom, Dad was dead in this altered timeline. Doc and myself had to go back to 1955 to retrieve this Sports Almanac and burn it to put the timeline back in it's normal and better course. Then Doc got hit by lightening in the Delorean and sent back to the Old west. He left me a note and the time machine, but I went back to 1885 to stop him being shot by Buford Tannen, then we hijacked a train and only myself returned and the time machine got destroyed. Me and Jennifer met Doc sometime later on the Eastwood Ravine rail road track...

LORRAINE: Eastwood Ravine?

MARTY: Clayton Ravine sorry. Doc showed up in a time train and he was married to a woman named Clara and they had two Kids Jules and Verne. Then Doc took off in his time train and that's when I woke up, about five minutes ago.

LORRAINE: Wow, so much must go on in that brain of yours.

George comes to stand beside Lorraine.

LORRAINE: If I didn't know any better Lorraine, I swear you secretly popped some liquor in his Pepsi Free last night.

LINDA: Dad, Marty doesn't need liquor for him to hallucinate, I mean he even dreamt of Jennifer Parker in his journey through the Space Time Continuum.

LORRAINE: Yeah, I thought everything was the same in your dream, before you time travelled.

MARTY: Except in this real World Mom, we're not together, as much I'd like us to be.

DAVE: And Doc Brown is more nuttier than inventive.

GEORGE: And crazier.

MARTY: You what's crazy Dad? You letting Biff walk all over you.

Marty turns to his Mom.

MARTY: And you don't have to drink so much Mom. One of these days Mom, you're gonna be so drunk you're either gonna end up being taken advantage of by Biff or you're gonna drink yourself to death.

LORRAINE: I didn't see that one coming.

GEORGE: Neither did I.

MARTY: I may be only seventeen, but I'm old enough to read what's going on in our lives. I've had this bottled up for so long, it's near enough driving me insane.

Lorraine straightens Marty's shirt and kisses him on the cheek and tenderly smiles, trying to hide her emotions. Lorraine knows Marty is right and what it's doing to him. George has been the same since he was at high shool, a walk over. Dave has a dead end job at Mcdonalds and Linda is lazy and has never had a boyfriend. Marty has had to live with humiliation since he was a young kid. Marty pushes open the front door, ready to leave.

LORRAINE: We'll talk about it tonight, OK?

MARTY: You know Mom, I'm sick and tired of going to School and Mr Strickland comdemning us and calling us Slackers. Not just me, but our family. We're giving people reason to laugh at us, but I don't want that.

LORRAINE: Not everybody laughs at us.

MARTY: Mom, people laugh at you because you married Dad and had his children. He lets Biff push him around and Dad like a Jerk lets him.

GEORGE: It's more complicated than that son, Biff happens to be my supervisor and and I'm afraid I'm just not very good at confrontation.

MARTY: Well it's about time you changed your tactics Dad and everybody else in this house.

LORRAINE: It's easier said than done Marty, you don't even help yourself.

MARTY: That's the thing, You resent me from having a friendship with Doc Brown and Clark Kent and despise all the girls that I've dated and yet you can do no wrong, when there is pain and suffering in this house, well it ain't gonna happen anymore.

LORRAINE: What are you saying?

MARTY: What I'm saying is, if neither of us seeks help as a family and show people that we are strong and not walk overs and that you appreciate me more in life and understand my feelings and want I want, then I'm moving on.

LINDA: Oh yeah where?

MARTY: Smallville.

GEORGE: Why there?

MARTY: Because Clark Kent is a good friend who listens.

DAVE: Is this the same Clark Kent that is secretly having sex with his Science teacher? So much for an understanding friendship.

MARTY: That's not the point Dave, his parents are good listeners too, I sometimes wish Johnathan and Martha Kent were my parents too.

LORRAINE: Please don't say that, we love you.

MARTY: Then stop critiicizing everything I do, if I wanna ask Jennifer Parker out on a date I'll do it, she's not a monster. And if he I want to be friends with Doc Brown, I will. And if I want to visit Clark in Kansas one day, I will. You know the best thing that would help this family? Therapy. If that's too much to ask for, then I'm out of here.

Marty storms out of the house and skates off to school, leaving his parents and siblings to think hard about Marty's strong words. Deep down, Lorraine has always treated Marty as her favourite son, but her misudgement on his lifestyle has been slowly pushing him away and the fact is the towns folks of Hill Valley have seen the family as losers and Marty feels his family are purposly making people feel that way towards them. It's gotten to a point where Marty has to deliver an ultimatum. Marty see's his friend Emmett Brown as the only person, next to Clark Kent, who understands how he feels and how much he's hurting. The future is still not known for Marty, but he realizes that he is not happy and that the only to make everything is to leave, unless things change. 


	5. Barry Island Goes East

Albert Square, Walford, London, England. Gwen, Bryn and Jason West from Barry, South Wales have just arrived in Walford on Dave's coaches and have met up with with Pamela, Michael, who likes to be called Mick, Gavin and Stacey Shipman who have drove down from Billericay. Stacey is also from Barry and is Gwens daughter and her friend Vanessa, who likes to be called Nessa has also come with her boyfriend Neil Smith and their son Neil. Neil Smith likes to be called Smithie. Gavin and Stacey had driven down to Essex for the weekend, but had met the rest of the family from Wales in London to visit the 'EastEnders' set. They walk into the set wihout their Guides and wonder why they haven't had the grand tour with other visitors. The family make their own way into Albert Square via bridge street. As they enter the square, the Welsh and Essex contingent are met with a lot of stares. They are all left confused.

NESSA: Oh, what's occurin?

Stacey laughs a little.

STACEY: It's probably just a wind up.

One woman walks passed Michael Shipman with a disgusting and shocking stare. He looks to his wife baffled.

MICK: What's that all about?

PAM: You look like that Larry Lamb don't you, the one that played Archie Mitchell.

MICK: Oh yeah, he got done in by Stacey Slater didn't he?

GWEN: Hey, wa'dn't 'e in that film 'Buster' about the great train robbery?

BRYN: Oh yes of course, with Phil Collins, I loved that film.

Gwen then spots Ian Beale speaking on the phone to Lucy, who is in Weatherfield and believing she has saw her mother Cindy alive and well living in a backstreet Pub called the 'Rovers Reurns.' Gwen walks up to Ian Beale believing him to be the actor Adam Woodyatt at the fruit stall. Ian is caught of guard by Gwens big grin.

GWEN: Hello there.

IAN: If you wait just one second, I'll be right with ya. Lucy what you saying? Who's that you are talking to?

Ian can hear Lucy speaking to Stella and can just about her calling her mum and Stella yelling at her, Peter and Cindy. Gwen thinks Ian is learning his lines. Ian is getting pretty desperate to know what the commotion is. Whilst he's gripped with his own worries, he can't help notice the likeness between Mick and the deceased Archie Mitchell. His draw drops.

IAN: Bloody hell.

Pam and Mick stand stand alongside Gwen and acknowlege the fact that Ian see's a resemblance between Mick and Archie.

PAM: I know he gets it all the time. People actually think he's Larry Lamb.

Ian hangs up the phone on Lucy.

IAN: Larry Lamb?

PAM: The one who played Archie Mitchell.

IAN: You some sort of long lost twin are ya?

MICK: Oh right.

Gwen, Pam and Mick laugh it off thinking Ian is winding them up. Suddenly, Dave Nessa's Ex Fiance enters the fray and shakes a bewildered Ian's hand.

DAVE: Hi Ian or do you prefer Adam? I'm Dave.

Ian responds by shaking Daves hand. Ian frowns by how Dave knows his name.

IAN: You know who I am?

Gavin and Stacey then appear with Nessa Bryn, Smithie and Jason. Nessa holds onto her son Neil. Ian then recognises Smithie as James Cordon.

IAN: James Cordon I don't believe it.

SMITHIE: Ay?

IAN: I think you are a great actor you make me laugh.

Gavin and Stacey laugh to Ian's ridiculous quote. Smithie decides to play along thinking Ian is playing a gag.

SMITHIE: Do I?

IAN: Yeah you were great in 'Fat Friends' and I thought you did a neat job on 'Doctor Who.'

SMITHIE: Fat Friends is this a wind up?

IAN: Ay?

GAVIN: Course it's a wind up Smithie chill out.

Gwen takes out a pen and notepad from her handbag.

GWEN: Could you sign this for me please?

IAN: That's very generous of you to ask, but I just run a fruit stall.

STACEY: Were you not learning yur lines?

BRYN: Stacey he's an actor, the chap is winding you up.

Ian looks to Mick and thinks of Archie Mitchell and then wonders what connection he has with Smithie.

IAN: How did you meet this guy, James?

SMITHIE: James?

Again Smithie plays along.

SMITHIE: Michael? We're from Billericay in Essex, we been friends for years, his son is my best mate and this is Gavins wife, Stacey and her family from Wales. And this is my fiance, Vanessa and...her ex from Wales, Dave. And this here is my son Neil.

IAN: Your friend Michael resembles a man that was really hated here, so hated he was murdered in the pub behind me three years ago.

NESSA: We know that Stacey Slater bumped him off with Queen Victoria ornament.

IAN: How could you know that of you're not from around e're?

STACEY: You are so funny.

JASON: Yeah you had me fooled.

BRYN: We think you play Ian Beale to perfection, your character was so lucky to marry such sexy women as Cindy, Melanie and Jane.

DAVE: Yeah you make Ian Beale the wimpiest Character in the World.

SMITHIE: We laugh our asses off when Phil Mitchell picks on ya.

Ian begins to panic as to why the strangers in his life know so much much about his life. It sends his mind spinning and his feet feel like they're pinned to the floor.

IAN: This is insane.

GWEN: I know we watch 'EastEnders' all the time. We try to keep up with all the soaps, Coronation Street, Emmerdale. I've even got back into 'Dallas' since it got restarted.

Ian scratches his head, as he is really not understanding the people in front of him.

IAN: I wouldn't know, I have never heard of them, except 'Dallas.'

Mick then walks up to Ian and starts to become suspicious that Ian may not be winding them up after all. Ian stands back seeing as the man in front of him is a replica of man that ruined lives and is deceased. Ian has also got worried of his own, seeing as he heard Lucy call out the word 'Mum' over the phone, plus the ranting the raving over the other end of the line on Ians mobile.

MICK: What's your real name?

PAM: It's Adam Woodyatt of course.

MICK: Pam don't interrupt. What is your name?

Ian hesitates as he gets a little worried of the situation he has gotten himself into.

IAN: Ian...Ian Beale.

Smithie intercepts Michael and confronts Ian.

SMITHIE: What's my name again?

IAN: James Cordon. Listen I'm closing up now and I really need to be on my own.

GWEN: Look, Adam if we've upset you...

IAN: My names not adam you stupid cow!

Stacey gets angry by the way Ian has insulted her mother.

STACEY: Ay don'e speak t' my Ma'm like that.

IAN: Belt it you, you Welsh tart

Gavin is upset by the way Ian has remarked on his wife.

GAVIN: What did you call my wife gobshite?

IAN: Oi nobody uses that sort of language round e're mate.

GAVIN: I am not your mate.

SMITHIE: Gavin leave him he's off his head.

IAN: Shut it you, you'll never lose weight and by the looks of it neither will ya missus.

Nessa hands Neil to Smithie and angrily confronts Ian.

NESSA: 'O'

IAN: What?

Ian begins to mellow as Nessa goes at Ian aggressively.

NESSA: 'O'. Just where do you get off, Squeel?

IAN: I didn't mean it, it just came out.

Nessa grabs Ian by the scruff of the neck with both hands.

NESSA: Yer's a verbal warn'en for ya, if you ever speak t' my friends like that ag'en, what scares you in your World will be the least of ya worries, the real one will be your pain and it physically will be far worse than what Phil Mitchell w'll do to ya.

With that, Nessa throws Ian Beale over the fruit stall and the fruit Stall collapses around him. They all laugh and cheer at what Nessa has done, made a complete fool of Ian Beale. Smithie high fives Nessa and continues to laugh at Ian.

SMITHIE: Ha Ha, wanker, just as wimpy as your character mate.

GAVIN: He's needs help as well. Thinking that your name is James Cordon.

STACEY: I 'av a gud mind t' speak to the producer about his attitude.

MICK: Still som'ing ain't right though.

PAM: Don't you start Mickey.

As they continue the rest of the tour, Bryn glances back at Ian and thinks that Ian may not be nuts as everyone thinks. The family stop in the middle of the Square and scour around. Gavin looks up at the Queen Victoria pub.

GAVIN: Why don't we look what's inside.

MICK: No son, it'll just be empty, the inside of the pub is in a studio somewhere.

GAVIN: We could look just out of curiosity.

MICK: Alright if you insist.

The family stroll to the pub and push open the door and are shocked by what they find inside. They find that the inside is the actual inside of the pub, the entire bar and seating all exist inside. All the customers stop drinking and stare directly at them. There is complete silence for a few moments as the family look around and truelly believed that the inside of the pub was in the BBC Studios.

MICK: OK maybe I was wrong.

STACEY: People are still staring at us funny or at least Mick.

SMITHIE: There's a few actors in e're though. Alright.

Suddenly, Roxy Mitchell appears from behind the bar and drops a plate of glasses on the floor in shock of the presence of whom she sees. She slowly walks towards Mick as everybody watches on in silence. Roxy touches his face and a cold chill is sent right down her spine. Roxy struggles to get her words out as the familiar face paralyzes her into a stare. Alfie Moon rushes to her side. Alfie had never met Archie.

ALFIE: Roxy, who is it?

Roxy eventually gets her words out.

ROXY: It's my Dad, it can't be though. I watched him die right here.

SMITHIE: Why do I get the feeling that we've just walked into the Twight Light Zone? 


	6. Dallas, KL, Dynasty

South Fork Ranch, Braddock, Texas, U.S.A. Bobby Ewing exits the house to the sun rise and admires the land that has been in his family for generations and hopes it stays that way. Jock loved the Ranch and wanted nothing more than Southfork to be home to just the Ewing families. Bobby has just recently lost his older brother, former Oil Baron, JR Ewing. Although Bobby and JR had their disagreements and fights over the years, he loved his brother. Now that JR is gone, Bobby feels the bigger part of his life has gone, despite having Ann, his third wife by his side. For years, Bobby had to put with all of JR's wheeling and dealing and back stabbing, going along with the betrayal, but on the other hand it kind of impressed him on how JR could get away with such antics, where it could either involve the Oil Business or the family itself. Bobby starts to remember the good 'ole days with Jock, Ellie, Pam, JR, Sue Ellen, Lucy, Ray etc, Bobby figures that things don't feel as good as it used to be. That part of Bobby's life will probably rank up there as the best. Bobby loved the competition with JR at Ewing Oil and the encouragement, Jock had given him to stand up to JR, but in truth Bobby knew his eldest Sibling would come out on top and when he died, he made sure he did come out on top. Suddenly, Bobby's cell phone rings and answers it. It's Gary calling from Knot's Landing, California.

GARY: Hi Bob, just wanted to cheack how you were doing?

BOBBY: Better now I'm hearing your voice. JR would be happy that you came to say your goodbyes at his funeral.

GARY: He was my brother Bobby, past is past, we can't keep living in it.

BOBBY: Except the good 'ole days when Ma Ma and Daddy were alive, all the family at the dinner table together.

GARY: I wish I had been a part of that.

BOBBY: You were always part of the family Gary, always in our heart, not just in Ma Ma's but in Daddy and JR's.

GARY: Hows Lucy?

BOBBY: She's fine, still alseep though, infact I'm the only one up. That reminds me, it must be still the middle of the night out in California.

GARY: I couldn't sleep...Bobby I think that Stalker is hassling me again.

BOBBY: Oh no. Have you called the police?

GARY: No, I don't wanna worry Val, she'll get all panicky. Anyway I went over this with the police, I've thought of many possiblities from what has happened in the past, but this will probably make it into the Unsolved Mysteries archives.

BOBBY: It's been six months since you last heard of anything and still this stalker hasn't been caught.

GARY: I know, but whoever is doing it and why, are good at covering their tracks.

BOBBY: What about Abby?

GARY: An Ex wife who suffers from Psychotic breaks and goes into Glenn Close mode sounds likely, but no not in her case. She's too much of a doting and over protective mother and grandmother to wanna go chasing old ghosts. By the way, you haven't been seeing yours have you?

BOBBY: Are we talking about Pam?

GARY: I guess after your hallucination, I thought you'd might chase it up.

BOBBY: It was an emotional day Gary, my mind was all over the place with saying goodbye to JR and everything else. Plus, it would make things uncomfortable for Christopher.

GARY: I guess you're right.

BOBBY: Speaking of minds all over the place, what about Fallon Carringtons all over you after the wake?

GARY: Yeah, it didn't impress Val at all, I did really think that Val was gonna throw Fallon into the South Fork pool. What made me laugh was, is when she told me she got abducted by aliens on the highway twenty four years ago and nobody believed her. Her mother was close to trying it on with you.

BOBBY: How could I forget Alexis Colby? An old aquaintance of JR's apparently. I'm glad Annie didn't have her shotgun on otherwise we would have had to bury somebody else that day.

GARY: There was plenty of guys out there that day, why me?

BOBBY: Well you still must be a ladies man after all this time still plenty of time for a third wife.

GARY: Oh ha ha ha funny. How about you, thinking about getting married a fourth time?

BOBBY: Actually, it will be a fifth wife, I married Pam twice and you infact married Val twice. But no, I'm happy to stay married a fourth time.

GARY: Correction, this is our third time, plus I married Abby, so that would make it joint fourth with you.

BOBBY: Tu Shay

GARY: To be honest Bobby, I'm scared.

BOBBY: Whoever it is Gary, cannot get away with what they're doing forever.

GARY: I want to settle this the right way. I mean who would wanna do this?

BOBBY: An old flame maybe? Kate Whittaker.

GARY: I don't believe that. Anyway she approves of Molly being a part of my life now and also she is commited to working things out with Brian. Anyway, Kate never crossed my as the psycho type.

BOBBY: So that leaves you at square one. Have you told Betsy and Bobby about this?

GARY: No I haven't, cause if I did, Betsy would only go and tell her mother. I haven't told Karen and Mac either, I wanna keep this under wraps until I know the full extent this weirdo is gonna go to. They've already flattened my four tyres on my car since the re- occurance after six months.

BOBBY: Do you suspect another move?

GARY: Oh yeah I do. But, I wanna be ready next time, no mishaps this time. 


	7. Smallville High

Smallville High School, Clark is with Pete and Chloe in the Torch. Chloe is preparing for her school paper storyline on the arrival of the famouse British boy band 'One Direction.' On the wall, Clark cannot help notice all the clippings, pictures and posters of Harry Styles. Clark laughs a little, Pete tries not to and this catches Chloes eye.

CHLOE: What's funny?

CLARK: You have a crush on this guy?

CHLOE: So what? He's adorable.

CLARK: Adorable? It kinda looks like he's growing an oak tree on his head. (sarcastically)

CHLOE: You are never too shy to hide your jealousy Clark Kent, that is one thing I admire about you.

CLARK: I'm not jealous, just making an observation

CHLOE: I'd like to see you be observant after I've interviewed Mr Styles for the school newspaper.

CLARK: Just him or the whole group.

CHLOE: I've got to have my one moment of passion with Harry, Clark. How about you Pete?

PETE: I'm not into guys Chloe.

CHLOE: No, I mean't have you got any quirky comments that you'd like to share with me, seeing as Clark has had a head start?

PETE: Of course not, I'm cool with it. If you want to impress Harry Styles, you go for it.

Clark laughs.

CHLOE: How about you Clark? Who's your crush?

Clark hides the fact he is having a secret affair with his biology teacher, Miss Tess Mercer, half sister of Lex Luthor and daughter to Lionel.

CHLOE: What a silly question. Lana Lang obviously.

CLARK: You caught me out, Chloe.

PETE: Man, Clark you should have been on the football team if you wanted to be Whitney Fordman's competition for Lana Lang.

CHLOE: Clarks in love with Lana Lang, aww how sweet.

Clark smiles, turning red.

Later that morning, Niall, Liam, Harry, Zayne and Louis form the band One direction and there are hundreds of girl student from Smallville screaming for the boyband. The group spend all morning sharing comments and answering questions from the students the school and explain that they will be holding a special concert in the fields of Smallville, which excites all the 'One direction' fans. Harry Styles takes a fancy to Miss Tess Mercer which pisses Clark off. Chloe approaches Harry and asks he if would like to have an interview with her alone. Harry nods. 


	8. GeorgeMildred meet DallasPsycho

Katherine Wentworth arrives at the Bates Motel on a warm Sunny Monday morning. She approaches the cabin office and meet Norman Bates. He is a tall slim charming owner and greets Katherine. Katherine is rather taken by the gentleman.

NORMAN: Hi there Miss, looking to rent a cabin?

KATH: Yes, just for the evening. I have to be in L.A. tomorrow, but I don't want to rush.

NORMAN: You won't find better comfort for miles, than you do here Miss, I assure you of that.

KATH: Thanks for notice.

Norman places the signing in book on the table and hands Katherine a pen.

NORMAN: Just put your name and your home address on the book.

KATH: Thank you.

NORMAN: You're welcome.

Katherine writes down a fake name on the form. "Pamela Ewing, home address "San Francisco." Whilst she does that, Norman fetches her room key number one and places it in her hand.

NORMAN: There you go Miss.

KATH: Thank you, Mr Bates I gather?

NORMAN: Please call me Norman.

KATH: I'm Pamela, but Pam is just fine.

NORMAN: Well, your room is just next door, if you need anything just holler.

KATH: Thank you.

NORMAN: As a matter of fact, would you do me a favour this evening? Would you have dinner with me tonight? It's only biscuits and milk, but I could do with the company, it gets pretty quiet from time time to time.

KATH: Sure why not. I'd be happy to have a little chit chat.

On the highway at dusk, George and Mildred Roaper are on Vacation from England for a month and have hired a vehicle to travel from Los Angeles to New York. Mildred has to keep reminding George to stick to the right hand side of the road.

MILDRED: How many times do I have to tell you George? They drive on the right hand side of the road in America.

GEORGE: Yeah, but, it's all strange to me.

MILDRED: I'm sure we should have taken the next turn down there.

GEORGE: That's what I mean. I've never driven a car with the steering wheel on the left hand side before.

MILDRED: Makes a change from driving that bloody bike of yours.

GEORGE: Wish I had brought my bike, at least I can rely on it.

MILDRED: Rely on it? With the side car on that thing, I would have been left behind in L.A. if you had.

GEORGE: I hope nobody nicks it.

MILDRED: I seriously doubt it George. A complete idiot would have to steal that death trap, anyway you've been driving it for the last twenty odd years.

GEORGE: Now lets be honest Mildred...what's that supposed to mean?

MILDRED: I wouldn't worry too much about it George, you after all dismantled all the body parts and hide them in the attic.

GEORGE: It beats Del Trotters three wheel van, that's what I call a death trap.

MILDRED: Oh him. The con man from Peckham.

GEORGE: He ain't a con man.

MILDRED: That's funny, because I swear it was him you bought your bike off. And everything else he sells, especially down that market is hooky. He'd sell his younger brother on EBay and he's hooky.

GEORGE: He's got a GCSE in Maths and Art.

MILDRED: See I was right.

GEORGE: I hope Jeffrey doesn't eat my Goldfish.

MILDRED: I'm sure they're taking good care of truffles.

GEORGE: Yeah, maybe he could lead us to where we are going. Are you sure we not lost?

MILDRED: I told you we may have a missed a turning, we'll have to stop somewhere and ask for directions.

GEORGE: Where? We're in the middle of knowhere. Who are we going to ask?

MILDRED: Could always ask a Coyote.

GEORGE: Not funny Mildred, we in a unfamiliar territory.

MILDRED: You suggested this trip and our way of travel, so we'll have to get to New York when we get there.

GEORGE: Charming.

Suddenly, George spots the Bates Motel to his left, as it starts to rain.

MILDRED: And there's you exaggerating.

GEORGE: Yeah and in the nick of time aswell. Looks like we brought the british forecast to the states with us.

George drives into the park lot and stops in front of the office. George and Mildred peer through the window shield and look up at the house at the top of the hill, that looks down at the Motel. They spot the shadow of an old lady walking across the upstairs.

George Roper honks the car horn outside the Bates Motel with Mildred his wife beside him, as the rain bashes down. Norman Bates hurries down with an umbrella. George jumps out a Mildred follows on behind and both follow Norman into the office.

NORM: Hurry inside, it's raining hard.

MILDRED: We didn't see that one coming.

GEORGE: Should be used to it by now Mildred, we do live in the U.K.

Norman walks on behind the counter.

GEORGE: Ah no, we're lost...

MILDRED: Actually, we won't be going anywhere else this evening, this looks like a good stop over.

NORM: Very well, if you just put your names and town name on the form, while I grab your cabin key.

George starts writing on the form and wrights their surname 'Roper' on the form, but then decides to write Liverpool as their home town instead of 'Hampton Wick.' Mildred cannot understand why George would write a fake town name down. Norman fetches cabin number 2 key.

NORM: Right if you'll allow me to show help you with your belongings and I'll show you to your cabin.

GEORGE: Oh, thank you.

George blatantly leaves Norman and Mildred to fetch the bags themselves. Mildred and Norman collect the luggage.

MILDRED: It's very kind of you, Mr...?

NORM: Bates, but please call me Norman.

Norman slyly winks at Mildred, which makes her blush.

As Mildred and Norman struggle with the luggage as the rain continues to bash down, Katherine Wentworth exits her cabin all dressed up for her dinner date with Norman. She catches the eye of George, who finds her familiar. George approaches her.

GEORGE: Hello, aren't you an actress?

KATH: No, I'm not but thanks for the gesture.

GEORGE: I'm sure you were in something.

KATH: I think I'd remember.

GEORGE: Let me think...Oh yeah you're Morgan Brittany, you were in Dallas.

KATH: That's a vivid imagination, but you're mistaken.

GEORGE: Now I remember you played Katherine Wentworth. She was a right bloody nutter she was.

KATH: Who are you?!

GEORGE: George Roper, can I have your autograph?

KATH: Autograph?

Mildred and Norman struggle with the luggage. Mildred notices George speaking to Katherine.

MILDRED: What are you babbling about now George?

GEORGE: It's Morgan Brittany.

MILDRED: Morgan who?

GEORGE: She was in Dallas Mildred. (George turns back to Katherine) What do you make of the new Dallas then? Not the same without JR now. Shame Pam didn't come back. They totally fucked Cliff Barnes up good and proper didn't they? Are you going back in the show any time soon.

MILDRED: Why yes of course, nice to meet you.

KATH: Likewise, but I'm not Morgan Brittany or whoever you may think I am, but you sure know a lot about Katherine Wentworth.

MILDRED: George was or still is a Dallas fanatic.

GEORGE: Amazing wasn't it?

KATH: What was?

GEORGE: Wondering who shot JR?

KATH: Cliff Barnes killed him didn't he?

GEORGE: No, that Bum fella killed him, but I was talking about the time Sue Ellens sister Kristin shot him. Then Sue Ellen shot him a couple of years later.

KATH: Wow that's incredible. So Cliff Barnes is innocent?

GEORGE: Well yeah, the Ewings set him up, because he blew that oil rig that killed his unborn grandchildren. I hope you go back in it, build the ratings up.

MILDRED: We'd love to stay and chit chat, but we have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow, but it was a pleasure meeting you Miss Brittany.

GEORGE: You must be at least sixty something now...

Mildred gives him a horrific stare.

GEORGE: Well, like Mildred said, we have a long drive tomorrow.

KATH: Yes, goodnight.

GEORGE AND MILDRED: Night.

As George and Mildred head into their cabin, Norman turns to Katherine and both glare into each others eyes passionatly.

NORM: What was that all about?

KATH: I haven't the foggiest.

NORM: I've never heard of a TV Show called Dallas.

KATH: Me neither, I don't know where they got the idea that I was an actress called Morgan Brittany playing a character called Katherine.

NORM: I guess it's maybe because your pretty.

KATH: Despite being over sixty?

NORM: So he was right. But that doesn't matter. Pamela Ewing you are radiant.

KATH: Thank you.

NORM: Listen, I'm going to make sure they're comfortable, then we'll get right to dinner.

KATH: Not going anywhere. 


	9. VenkmanStantz ClarkTessLuthors

New York City, Scientist Peter Venkman visits his book store friend Ray Stance at his book store. Ray is placing books in order on a ladder as Peter enters.

RAY: Hi Pete.

PETER: Yo.

RAY: You OK?

PETER: Yes and no.

Ray steps down from the ladder.

RAY: I hope everything is alright between you and Dana.

PETER: It is, but...

RAY: Does it require a new book?

PETER: Not where it concerns Dana. She dropped an almighty bombshell on me earlier.

RAY: I take it you wanna share it with me.

PETER: She told me she has a son.

RAY: What?

PETER: She gave him up eighteen years ago, to a friend of her who couldn't have children.

RAY: That is a bombshell.

PETER: The one good thing about it, is that she was honest with me after.

RAY: Does she intend to find her son?

PETER: Dana thinks he'd be better off without her, she fears he will hate her for giving him away.

RAY: Unless there were circumstances such as physical abuse or delibrate neglect, then I don't see why he should hate her.

PETER: Oh theres no doubt in my mind that Dana loved her son and still does, but at the end if the day, I understand.

RAY: Did you ever want to be a father Peter?

PETER: Yeah, I did, but I think I know why Dana refuses to have them.

RAY: She's scared that the memory of her first born will be eventually wiped out.

PETER: Right.

RAY: This is a tricky one Pete.

PETER: Say that again. Dana thinks he'd be better off without her, yet she wants to keep his memory with her, by refusing to have a child with me.

RAY: I guess I'm lucky to still be a bachelor.

PETER: Thanks Ray for cheering me up.

RAY: Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I guess I'm relieved not to have the problem of trying to understand the constant pyschology inside a woman's mind, especially in a marriage.

PETER: From what I remember, you didn't need to see into your first girlfriends mind.

RAY: Yeah, I remember, she tried to run me off Brooklyn Bridge with her Porsche.

PETER: Haven't seen Egon in over a week.

RAY: Yeah, he's been doing night shifts recently down the hospital.

PETER: It must be ruining his body clock having to hybernate during the day.

Smallville High School, Kansas, Clark Kent sneaks up behind his science teacher Miss Lutessa Mercer Luthor and slaps his butt. She is surprised and they sneak into the science lab for quick love making. Clark lifts Tess onto the desk with her leg rapped around him, asthey continuously lock lips. Clark starts under doing her blouse and he is really frisky.

TESS: Clark I haven't locked the door.

CLARK: So what?

TESS: Somebody could walk in, then we're both f*****.

CLARK: What do you think we're about to do now.

TESS: Clark I'm serious.

CLARK: I thought you like to play dangerously.

TESS: I think you're worried, that Harry Styles might whisk me off my feet.

CLARK: Then could you take that worry away and let me make love to you.

TESS: At least let me lock the door first.

Metropolis, Luthorcorp Building. Lex is busy doing paper work, when Lionel enters his office.

LIONEL: Lex, call your sister and tell her to come straight to Metropolis after she's finished her classes.

LEX: Sounds important.

LIONEL: It is, I have just had an unpleasant phonecall from Hill Valley California from an annonymous caller, claiming Tess is having an affair with a close friend of his son.

LEX: Tess is sleeping with someone from California?

LIONEL: I don't know where he got this source from or proof for that matter, but he claims that it's a student from Smallville High School.

LEX: My guess is, is that this student from Smallville High is bullshitting and trying to make an attempt to embarrass the Luthor name.

LIONEL: For your dear sisters sake I hope you're right, otherwise we're in for one hell of a law suit which could see not only Tess struck of the school list, but put on the sex offenders list and in jail.

LEX picks up the phone.

LEX: Don't worry Dad, I'll make sure that your pride is still intact.

LIONEL: This isn't funny Lex, I brought both my children up better than that.

LEX: Of course, corrupt, powerful, manipulative, cruel, clever, nymphomaniacs, the list could go on.

LIONEL: Just call her Lex and you're staying.

Lionel exits Lex office. Lex dials Tess's cellphone.

LEX: I can't wait to hear the gory details. (sarcastically).

Back in Smallville Highschool Science Lab, Clark and Tess are at it like rabbits, when Tess's cell phone rings. Tess sees it's Lex.

TESS: I have to answer it, I'll get the third degree otherwise. Hi Lex.

LEX: Sorry, were you in the middle of something, you should be finished round about now.

TESS: Yes, I'm nearly finished.

Both Tess and Clark laugh silently.

LEX: You alright sis, you sound tired.

TESS: No, I'm just hot.

LEX: Oh really? For a second there it sounded like you were screwing one of your students.

TESS: What are you talking about Lex?

LEX: Dear old Dad, wants to see you at Luthorcorp asap, don't hold us up.

Lex hangs up and a horrified Tess looks at Clark.

TESS: We've been rumbled. 


	10. Fletcher and Sloan

Murder Novelist Jessica Fletcher is fast asleep in her Los Angeles home. She is in a deep sleep and begins to dream.

JESS DREAM:

Jessica is Miss Price jumping on a broom stick in the dead of night inside her basement of her English home set in the 1940's in an attempt to defeat the Nazis. Her cat whines as it lay on top of a stack of books. Miss Price begins her flying experiment.

E PRICE: La Keepone Criff's Crumpet Leech.

The broomstick begins to shake until it launches Miss Price out of the window and into the air. The cat raises it's head in astonishment and walks to the window as she flys of into the night sky. Miss Price is overjoyed by her success and she starts to take control and begins to enjoy her flight of a broomstick. The three orphaned children, Charlie, Carrie and Paul who have had their first evening at Miss Price home attempt an escape back to London. But, Paul catches Miss Price in flight. And points up at the night sky.

PAUL: Look.

CHARLIE: What's the matter?

PAUL: How'd she do that?

CARRIE: Coz she's a witch, that's the sort of thing Witches do.

PAUL: Oh.

Miss Price is too excited, she attempts to be very clever and she manouvers her hands away from the broomtick. As she does, she loses her control and she begins to fall to ground.

PAUL: She don't fly good, does she?

As Miss Price nears ground level...

END OF JESSICA'S DREAM:

Jessica awakes, relieved. The phone then rings. Jessica answers it. It's Dr Mark Slone, who wants to take her away for a long weekend.

JESS: Hi Mark, I'm so relieved to hear your voice.

MARK: Are you alright?

JESS: Just having the same dreams again.

MARK: You mean where you're a witch taking on the Nazi's in which you need the help of a book called 'The Stars of Asteroth?'

JESS: That's right.

MARK: Myth could have it, they were images from another lifetime you existed. I had the same dream for months. I was a poor inventor living in England, I had two children and we shared a house with a bald man who I think was my father. Then I met this beautiful blonde woman and I invented this motor car which had magical powers. It could float and fly. Funny, I remember the name of the car too, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I think the dream was set in the early 1900's.

JESS: My God Mark, you have a bigger imagination than I do.

MARK: That's two things we share in common. Vivid dreams and solving crimes.

JESS: I couldn't agree more with you.

MARK: Everythings all set, I've booked us into the Emerald Hotel in 'Metropolis' Kansas.

JESS: Sounds great.

MARK: The plane leaves at four, I'll pick you up at one thirty.

JESS: I'll be ready.

MARK: Thank you Jessie for accepting my invitation.

JESS: It's not every day a man sweeps me off my feet, not since my husband passed away.

MARK: I'll make sure this is gonna be an adventure you'll never forget.

JESS: Thank you Mark, I'll see you at one thirty.

MARK: Bye Jessica.

JESS: Bye Mark.

They both hang up and Jessica is very excited by her weekend away with Mark. Jessica hopes this is love, as does Mark. 


	11. Roper Bates Wentworth

**BATES MOTEL.******

  
>George and Mildred are settling into their cabin, whilst Norman Bates takes Katherine up to his house for a bite to eat. George is getting ready to have himself a shower.<p>

MILDRED: Fancy an early night George?

GEORGE: I thought that's what we were doing, I'm going for a shower first.

MILDRED: No, George, I meant an early night.

GEORGE: Are you contradicting yourself again Mildred?

MILDRED: Oh...bugger off and have your shower George.

George heads into the bathroom and gets undressed. He steps into the shower and turns the water on. A Few moments into his shower, a human shadow slowly moves towards the shower curtain and then all of a sudden the shower curtain is yanked back and George lets out a scream. The shadow eventually reveals itself as Mildred. Mildred wonders why George is acting like a cry baby and George calms down.

MILDRED: I was meant to give you this, it's shower gel.

GEORGE: Oh right.

Mildred stands and smiles at a naked George.

MILDRED: Is there room for one more?

GEORGE: What do wanna get in for?

MILDRED: Three guesses.

GEORGE: I give up, what?

MILDRED: Close your eyes and I'll show ya.

GEORGE: Yeah, I'll be in in a minute Mildred.

George pulls the shower curtain back across, leaving Mildred frustrated.

Up at the Bates House, Norman has fixed, Katherine Wentworth a bowl of soup. They seem to be getting on like a house on fire.

KATH: So your father helped build this place?

NORM: Yeah, my father died when I was six, I wish I'd got to know him better.

KATH: And it's just you and your mother?

NORM: Right.

KATH: Must feel lonely, being out here all by yourselves.

NORM: Well, I've been used to it all my life, I've never really considered venturing out.

KATH: Why?

NORM: My mother, she's very demanding, in fact there hasn't been a day in my life, that I haven't seen her.

KATH: You must be in your thirties and your still hanging onto your mothers apron.

NORM: It's not like that at all, she's...she's an invalid.

KATH: Oh I'm sorry, I'd realize the situation.

NORM: It's alright, Pamela, not many people do. I've often thought about venturing out, looking for companionship, but I mean who would look after my mother?

KATH: Couldn't you like find her a place elsewhere to be cared for?

Norman seems startled by Katherine's words.

NORM: You mean like an institution.

KATH: No, I meant like a care home, where she could socialize with other people.

NORM: I've considered that, but if I did, I know judging by everything, she would reject me.

KATH: After all you've done for her, that's a bit selfish, you're a kind hearted guy. In my eyes, you wouldn't harm a fly. 


	12. Irish Brown

**BROWNS RESIDENCE, DUBLIN IRELAND.******

_Warning: This chapter may contain strong language and sexual references._

Agnes Brown is arriving back home from her stall at the market and heads into the living room to hang her coat up. She turns and spots Granddad fast asleep in his chair.

AGNES: Lazy Bastard. _Agnes looks to the camera. _Oh Hello, there. Just finished another hard days work at the fruit stall. Those fruit Lollies made a killing. Just as well, I made a profit, I had to give Ann Somers an extra hundred quid for the batteries to put in the bloody things. At least the customers will go home with a smile at the end of a the day. Instead of a dripping creampie, they'll be getting a dripping Pineapple ha ha ha. That's if they don't freeze over and stick to them, when they take e'm out of the freezer. I had to take mine to the market, Marks on his way home with it now. The Freezer, not the Lollipop Dildo. _Agnes makes her way into the kitchen, still talking to the camera. She puts the kettle on. __'_Anyway, I'm off to London tomorrow to visit the EastEnders set, with my friend Winnie for the weekend leaving my five children behind to look after the house, while I'm gone. Four actually, if I left Granddad to look after it all by himself, I'd probably come home to Cardboard City. Of course you remember my off springs, my eldest son Mark, middle sons, Rory and Dermot and my only daughter Cathy. My youngest son Trevor is away on his missionaries. He's a priest.

Winnie enters The Browns house via the back Kitchen.

WINNIE: Hiya Agnes.

AGNES: Hiya Winnie. Cup of Tea love?

WINNIE: Never say no, Agnes. All raring to go tomorrow?

AGNES: Oh, yes he he. London and Albert Square look out, Agnes Brown is in town.

WINNIE: I hope the jet lag doesn't have an affect on me.

AGNES: Winnie, we're only going to London, not f***** Pluto. Anyway it's the same time there as it is here.

WINNIE: I got jet lagged before when we went to Magaluf.

AGNES: But, there time is only an hour ahead of our time. You don't see me getting Season lagged, when I put the clocks forward an hour during the summer do you?

WINNIE: I can't wait to meet the EastEnders cast. Who's your favourite character?

AGNES: I don't know I like e'm all. That Danny Dyer looks like a nice strapping fella though.

WINNIE: I'd ride that Steve McFadden.

Agnes spits her tea out.

WINNIE: Are you alright Agnes love?

AGNES: Yes, fine Winnie. Whatever takes your biscuit.

WINNIE: Who do you think killed Lucy Beale?

AGNES: Not me, unfortunately.

WINNIE: I reckon it was that Nick Cotton.

AGNES: What about Coronation Street?

WINNIE: What about Coronation Street?

AGNES: Jesus Christ, is there an echo in here? Tina, who do you think bumped that poor cow off?

WINNIE: My guess would be...Belle Dingle.

AGNES: Belle Dingle? That's Emmerdale ya feckin ejut.

WINNIE: Oh yeah. Oh well it's not her then.

Agnes rolls her eyes. In comes Mark with the fridge freezer.

MARK: Hiya Mammy.

AGNES: Hello love, thanks for bringing it home for me love.

MARK: Mammy the fridge was making a clanging noise all the way home, it may have a fault on it.

Agnes opens the top door and all the ice lollipop dildo's falls out. Agnes picks one up broken in half and presses the bottom switch and it starts to vibrate in her hand. She hands it to Mark.

AGNES: Does Betty like Raspberry?

MARK: No Mammy, um ' she's cooking pasta tonight.

Agnes turns to Winnie.

AGNES: Winnie, do you want one?

WINNIE: Can I have two please Agnes? One for me and One for Steve McFadden.

Agnes face drops in shock. 


End file.
